I decided to waste no time and jumped on a plane to Cairo only a few hours after finishing my night shift.
I arrived in Cairo, a city of 20+ million people, after only 4 hours flight time, where I was picked up and taken to the Ramses II hotel/hostel in downtown Cairo.
I could write another blog about Cairo traffic and Cairo drivers, however just look at the blog entry for Oman driving and triple that! (n.b indicators are replaced by blasts of the horn)
My guidebook warned off doing any deals, or trip planning through the hotel, so the first thing I did was plan out and pay for my whole 13 days with smooth talking 'Hostelier Haitham' over a complimentary cup of Egyptian tea. Even though I had misgivings about booking everything upfront, the itinerary Haitham planned for me included everything I wanted to do for a reasonable price and without the hassles of me finding accommodation, transport etc.
Anyway, heres the whole sordid tale:
9th: First item on the 'plan' was an evening cruise up the nile. A very cheesy cruise with loads of
Indian holidaymakers, myself and my local guide Yasser. A buffet dinner and dance with a belly dancer were both the highlights and lowlights!
Indian holidaymakers, myself and my local guide Yasser. A buffet dinner and dance with a belly dancer were both the highlights and lowlights! 10th: Pyramids! Amazing is one word, unbelievable another. The pyramids in Giza, pretty much within big city of Cairo, were my first stop. There are 3 main pyramids on the Giza plateau with the biggest being Khufu or Cheops, which is now '137 metres high and consists of about 2.3 million limestone blocks reckoned to weigh on average about 2.5 tonnes each' (Lonely Planet). I will spare you the 'tonne' of other facts and figures on these mysterious tombs, the amount of info is mind boggling! Giza is also home to the 'noseless' Sphinx.
Thankfully there were not the hoards of people I was expecting and I had a good walk around with my guide for the day Ahmed. Ahmed spoke very good English and was good fun.
After Giza it was time for lunch and I asked Ahmed for something Egyptian. We settled on Kushari, a cheap staple of pasta, crispy fried onions and various dressings of garlic, tomatoes, chili sauce etc, depending on which shop you buy it from.Next stop was the Step Pyramid at Saqqara about 30 mins south of Giza. 'Built in 2650 BC it is Egypt's (and the world's) earliest stone monument and it's significance cannot be overstated' (LP again). The scaffolding on the side of the pyramid detracted a little from it's grandeur, however it was only because a piece of stone had fallen the previous year and nearly hit a tourist. Not bad really when you consider how old it is.
The rest of the day was spent at Memphis, an archeological treasure trove that is still being excavated, as are a lot of areas in Egypt. 
*Step Pyramid (first ever pyramid), Statues of Ramses II at Memphis
11th: Cairo Tour then overnight train to Aswan.
I was picked up at 0900 by my driver and my 22yr old very religious Muslim guide Sabwa. It took 10 minutes in the Mohammed Ali Mosque then citadel for me to really dislike Sabwa! Rather than guiding she was lecturing me about religion and Islam. I did score some points by explaining to her about the 5 pillars of Islam which she doubted I knew, however i lost them quickly when I not so subtely told her that I was 33 years old and will go to the bathroom when I please and take photos when I please etc.... After another such 'discussion' at Coptic Cairo (the historical church area) I decided to cut Sabwa loose and continue on alone. The thought of her walking/talking me through the Cairo museum was too much to bear. I was finally free with just my driver and continued on to the Khan al-Khalili market then the museum.
The market was huge and interesting, however an hour of being hassled by store owners was more than enough. This would become a common theme throughout Egypt, especially at the tourist sites.
The museum was very interesting and I spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around aimlessly, with the odd nana-nap. The sculptures are always a favorite however I was really taken by some of the jewellery. The intricacy and design of some of the pieces were incredible when you think of how old they are.
11th+12th: 14hr train ride down the nile to Aswan.
After a mad scramble through Cairo traffic to get near the station, I sprinted to the train. My hopes/delusions of a nice comfortable sleeper cabin with my heavily promoted '1st class' ticket were dashed when I got to my cabin. A 6 seater, although quite large, it was full of people. A father and son combo on 2 of the opposite seats and a father and 2yr old daughter on the other one, his daughter on his knee. Next to me were two Argentinian blokes, that I found out a day and a half later were Facundo and Nahuel.
After a long day I dispensed with any pleasantries and like a rude bastard put my headphones on and gazed out the window. Next thing the 'conductor' comes in and offers me the next cabin along, an empty 3 seater for "tips money"? Seems a good deal to me, I grab my pack and head next door. Not 3 minutes later the ticket holders of my new cabin arrive and I return to my original seat a little red faced and embarrassed. Oh well, worth a try!
I spend the next few hours watching Cairo sail by then the lights and sights of the small towns by the nile then try to sleep. We finally make it to Aswan and the conductor holds his hand out and asks for "tips money"? I ask him what for, he just shrugs and says nothing. Egypt is in an economical crisis and tips are a big part of life here, not just from tourists, also from Egyptian to Egyptian as wages are so poor and unemployment is high.
I was walked to my hotel, then to the High Dam which blocks the nile just south of Aswan, with the massive man-made Lake Nasser extending south to Sudan. Like most dams worldwide, the High Dam has had both positive and negative influences on Egypt which I won't bore you with here. Next was the Philae Temple on an island just north of Lake Nasser. 
* High Dam (start of the Egyptian Nile), Philae Temple After a reeeeel long day I bought a couple of 10% Sakkara beers and slipped down to the edge of the river to watch the big cruise liners dock. As an added bonus I got a visit from 3 wharf urchins who eventually left me alone after i gave them 4EGP (about 1 AUD) , although they really wanted one of my beers not the money.
13th + 14th: Felucca (or sail boat) ride along the nile.
After a 0300 wake up call (bloody hell I'm on holidays for gods sake!) I was whisked 250 km south to the temples of Abu Simbel in police escorted bus convoy with the rest of the Aswan tourists. Before leaving Aswan we waited in one long line before getting the call to leave. Once the gun went off there was a mad scramble of buses in which our mini bus was rear ended by one of the big tour buses! Our driver got out, shouted a few obsceneties at the other driver then quickly got back in and put his foot down....no worries, push on! I was in 3 similar 'accidents' during my stay. As long as there is no major damage the drivers just shout for a while then continue on.
Abu Simbel was built for Ramses II as a tomb and also a show of strength to any enemies that may be sailing up the nile from Sudan, it is very impressive. Again lots of facts and figures but I won't elaborate.
After a whirlwind hour look around, we were mini-bussed back to Aswan and then I was taken to the river where I boarded my 8 metre long wooden Felucca. On board was Wes, an Aussie from Bendigo, and Captain Fanan and his crew of 22yr old Mohammed and 20yr old Ramanadan. We waited for ages for 2 more passengers before finally setting sail and meeting them an hour upstream. They turned out to be Facundo and Nahuel from the train. *Abu Simbel
To cut a long story short, we spent a very enjoyable day sailing and drinking while watching the activities on the banks of the river and the various other ships on the river.
The next day was more of the same. Just kicking back relaxing, docking every now and then for a meal or a walk etc. We spent the evening at captain Fanans cousins house which was enjoyable. His cousin was very friendly and we watched some Egyptian video clips, very strange, and even heard Fanan sing. It turns out when he has time he sings at weddings and other events.
*Captain Fanan, The Nile Dancer, The 'Sudan' (100+ Yrs Old) + Wes (below)
As well as Egyptian and various other nationalities, there were lots of Australian flags on the feluccas which was a nice sight. Australians have a good reputation amongst the captains and generally throughout Egypt which was good to know. http://www.niledancer.blogspot.com/ (Highly recommended!)
15th: Woke early to see the sunrise over the river. Had to leave the felucca and her crew unfortunately. I could have easily spent another day cruising along the river, a definate highlight. The 4 of us passengers then caught a local taxi truck to firstly the Temples of Kom Ombo then Edfu. Next a mini bus north to Luxor.
*Temple at Edfu16th: Sightseeing!
The morning was spent at the Valley of the Kings and queens on the West Bank of the river. Very impressive Tombs carved into the rock on and around the valley floor. Next the temple of Hatshepsut and a couple of other places. I was then taken to an alabaster shop where I was invited for tea and shown around. This was the 3rd time I was taken to a local shop as part of the itinerary. Obviously my stops in this shop, the papyrus shop in Cairo and perfume shop in Luxor were part of a commision deal with the Ramses II hotel but I didn't mind. It was a good chance to work on my haggling skills, and you can always say no!
The afternoon was spent on the East bank at the massive temple complex of Karnak and then the Luxor temple. The design and scale of these temples is quite amazing, however after a day under the Egyptian sun jostling with fat American tourists I rushed through the Luxor temple so I could get back to the hotel and freshen up for a 16 hr bus ride to Dahab on the Sinai Peninsula.
16th+17th: f*&^$#^g long bus ride!
From Luxor I bused 20 hours to Dahab on the Eastern coast of the Sinai peninsula. It took ages as we stopped 3 -4 times for food, once for fuel, once for a flat tyre, and at least 8 times at police checkpoints where I had to show my passport each time. From Luxor it was to Hurghada on the edge of the Red Sea, then up to Suez, then all along the coast to Dahab. Now I know why Moses parted the Red sea instead of taking the bus!
After a few hours sleep I found a barber to get a shave. An hour later I walked out 100 EGP ($25) poorer after a shave, face cleanse, Moroccan mud pack, eye treatment, haircut and Egyptian facial wax! The Egyptian wax was done using a length of cotton which was curled and then run over my small facial, ear and eyebrow hairs. My monobrow was gone in a flash! Oh yeah he cut out my nose hairs for good measure too.
Now I didn't ask for all this but after a long bus ride it felt fantastic and I was ready to hit the town. I ended up at Tota's for trivia. I found a nice English couple and a know-it-all English bloke, Tristan, to team up with. We were in the lead most of the way, Tristan telling us often he never loses, guess what, we lost. I was smiling on the inside as Tristan went back and forth over the answers to see where he went wrong.
18th: The next day was spent snorkelling at the Blue Hole. A nice little touristy spot where I met a nice kiwi couple. Relaxing, drinking tea, snorkelling, eating and then repeating! Turned out Kiwi Sam, like me, was also born in Masterton NZ, 'Home of the Golden Shears'!
18th+19th: That evening I left Dahab with 3 American girls and 2 Japanes guys for a 2 hour drive to Mt Sinai for an early morning hike to the top to see the sunrise (0130 start). Mt Sinai is reputedly the Mt where God appeared to Moses and gave him the 10 Commandments. When we got to the top I tried to call him but it seems he wasn't in. After a cold hour in my sleeping bag the sunrise was very welcome and also very nice, except for the loads of people up there with me.
The walk down was very picturesque and halfway down I was asked to take a photo of a man and his g/f. When finished I asked them for a 10EGP tip like a good Egyptian would. The bloke laughed, proclaimed that he was Latvian and gave me a slug of his 45% herbal Latvian booze he had in his pack. Since I was carrying some whisky I offered that in return and we were instant friends!
*Sunrise - Mt Sinai, the walk down the mountain, Monastry in valleyApparently the manastry houses a descendant of the 'burning bush', however I went to sleep instead of jostling with the masses inside. Back to Dahab for a sleep then a relaxing evening by the beach.
20th: Breakfast and a swim before checking out of my room. Had a traditonal Bedouin fish lunch at the hotels restaurant with a couple of beers to wash it down. Was supposed to leave for Cairo at 1430 for a nine hour ride but instead was told would be leaving at 1700. I settled into my easy chair by the shore, opened my book and another few beers.....tough job but someone had to do it.
Apart from having a lunatic mini-bus driver,it was a fairly uneventful trip back to Cairo. A minor highlight for me was going through the tunnel under the Suez canal. I'm easily pleased.
21st: Alexandria Day trip.Picked up at 0700 by Ali for a day trip to Alexandria on the northern coast. Ali spoke little English, and I was tired, so it was a quiet ride to Alexandria. Alexandria is a city of 11+ million and is over 20km long but only 3km wide. We went to the Kings palace, a big old mosque and the citadel before calling lunch. Lunch at a local cafe was washed down with tea and a smoke of a sheesa pipe. Although the library in town is supposed to be well worth a look, I was ready to head back to Cairo, so we drove around town for a bit then left. An uneventful night in Cairo just walking around aimlessly.
*Alexandria - view from Citadel
22nd: Home. Taxi to the airport where I manipulated my last 60 EGP into a couple of beers and a feed. I spent the time waiting for the plane finishing up my diary. I can easily say it has been one of my favorite trips. Although difficult at times, I really enjoyed it. The amount of history is unbelievable and I found the people to be generally friendly and helpful. All-in-all Egypt gets 2 big thumbs up!
